


but I’ve got too much wickedness and sin

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Eventual Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Character Death, Past Violence, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26165791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Poe and Kylo reencounter each other.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Poe Dameron/Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5
Collections: Hurt/Comfort Bingo - Round 11





	but I’ve got too much wickedness and sin

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Wild Card — Forced to rely on enemy / rival
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Title from “Siren’s Song” by Bat For Lashes.

It was the battle of Dxun that Poe saw Kylo Ren again.   
  
He hadn’t intended to shoot him down. He hadn’t shot him down at all, because somehow, for some reason, Kylo wasn’t firing on him. But Jess had fired, and Poe had gone after Kylo.   
  
Somehow, he couldn’t let him die. There was too much history there, between them. Too much there.   
  
***  
  
He ought to leave Kylo Ren there. That was what outsiders would have thought, if they could have seen Poe Dameron stumbling out of his X-wing towards Kylo Ren’s prone body. But Poe Dameron was Poe Dameron, the man that had spared Sela Trune’s life before Zeva Bliss ultimately took it on Kijimi, and he wasn’t about to leave someone to die.   
  
And then there was the fact that he was Ben once. Ben had, in a way, been Poe’s angel — a boy who loved him and believed in him, even when Poe didn’t deserve something like this. Even now.   
  
“Stang it, Ben, work with me here,” Poe muttered as he hauled Kylo to his feet. Or tried to. "Come on, you traitorous, murdering schutta; at least work with me here...”  
  
Was there any way that Poe could actually get Kylo to safety that wouldn’t severely injure him?   
  
“Work with me here...”  
  
“A simple ‘please’ would do,” Kylo said wryly.   
  
It was the matter of Kylo being fit to walk. That was all. Even as Poe released a sigh of relief, he told himself that it was that. Definitely that.  
  
And maybe it was the fact that Poe didn’t want Ben dead. Defeated, repentant, but not dead. That was the best he could hope for, in the end.   
  
“Glad you’re awake,” Poe said, for lack of a better thing to say.   
  
“I’m glad I didn’t kill you.” Kylo said.   
  
Poe didn’t know if he was telling the truth or not.   
  
***  
  
Poe’s X-wing was busted. Again. He wondered if it was a recurring theme, now that he thought about it. His X-wing being destroyed.   
  
“Your X-wings seem to always meet bad ends,” Kylo commented.   
  
“You should know, right?” Poe said. “You blew one of them up. Killed Tallie. Another pilot too. You didn’t have to do that, you know.”  
  
 _Fire, so much fire. And Tallie — when they’d buried her, she hadn’t even looked like Tallie..._  
  
“It was a tactical move.” Kylo said.   
  
“Tactical.” Poe snorted. “She didn’t have to die. No one did.”  
  
“And Paige Tico?”  
  
Poe laughed, harshly. “You don’t know anything. She sacrificed herself because your lunatics were bombing D’Qar. Because she was _brave._ General Organa doesn’t know anything either. At least I didn’t kill my own father just because he didn’t visit me at the Academy enough.”  
  
“That’s not true and you know it.” Poe could tell that he’d struck a nerve, struck some sort of grief and guilt, deeper than any haughtiness, any rage.   
  
“Is that why you want to see the galaxy burn? Because your parents didn’t spoil you enough?”  
  
Kylo froze just then. Then, “You really don’t know me at all, do you?"  
  
“I wish I never knew you.”  
  
Poe regretted it just seeing how vulnerable Kylo looked in that moment. How stricken.  
  
“I didn’t hate my parents,” Kylo said. “Even if the feeling isn’t mutual." A beat. “And I didn’t hate you.”  
  
“You tortured me. You broke open my mind.”  
  
“I know.” Kylo’s eye twitched just then, and Poe could swear that he was cracking. Why? Wouldn’t someone like him, a _monster,_ wouldn’t he enjoy it?  
  
"I didn’t want to talk about you until you were in a prison cell. You know what kept me from losing it? My mother. She taught me the galaxy is a good place. Even with...”  
  
 _Even with you in it,_ Poe stopped himself from saying. Long ago, Poe’s galaxy had been better for having Ben in it. Long ago, Poe had needed him.   
  
He wondered if he still did.   
  
***  
  
The cave they were in for the night would do, sheltering them from the rain that was falling. Kylo spoke. “I didn’t want to do it.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“The interrogation. Killing Han Solo. Many things.”   
  
Poe wasn’t sure if he believed it, but it made sense. After all, Ben wouldn’t just randomly decide to become a torturer. Or a murderer. Or anything. There was something wrong with the very idea.   
  
Kylo continued. "It was Snoke. Don’t look at me like that — he...did you find it suspicious that it took so long for me to get to you?”  
  
“I suppose.” Usually, Kylo’s interrogations were pretty immediate.   
  
"The thought of hurting you was...unacceptable.” Kylo took a deep breath. “And I was surprised when I learned that you were looking for me. To...save me.”  
  
“You doubted me?”   
  
Kylo’s lips twisted. “When you have Snoke showing you only the bad, of course you assume no one’s coming for you. You...the Resistance loves you. The General loves you. The way she could never love Ben Solo.”  
  
“You’re wrong there. On both levels. I’m not perfect in her eyes. I never have been.”  
  
There was something unsettling about that same feeling that Poe had on Tuanul, not an outright invasion but just a feeling like Kylo was aware of his thoughts. “She hit you?” Kylo actually did sound surprised. Angry.   
  
“I deserved it. It was my fault.” Poe didn’t outright crumple, but he wanted to.   
  
“How very un-General-like,” Kylo mused. “Slapping you.” A beat. “For doing war.”  
  
“I thought you — ”  
  
“I knew you were still doing war. We were both doing war. No more, no less.”  
  
“I suppose.”  
  
“There’s a scar near your lip.”  
  
“I know.” A lesser souvenir, not as noticeable as Kylo’s face scar, but still a noticeable piece of evidence from the interrogation. When the troopers had beat him.   
  
"I could help you with that.”  
  
“It’s just a small cut...”  
  
Poe felt the area become smooth then, and knew Kylo had given a small piece of his life force, all for something trivial.   
  
"Thank you. I suppose." Poe stammered. His heart sped up just then, feeling Kylo’s thumb graze his skin. The smooth spot left behind.   
  
“It was nothing,” Kylo said.   
  
It was something, Poe thought, drifting off to sleep in the cave. It was something.   
  
***  
  
In the morning, they took a trek to go hunting. They needed food. It was a good thing that Kylo was somehow well enough to go hunting; Poe could only assume that Force users were made of durasteel. It was on the trek up that Kylo killed a rampaging zakkeg by throwing his lightsaber at it, and Poe turned towards Kylo. “You saved my life,” he said.   
  
“It was practical,” Kylo said. Poe could tell, though, that he was lying. Sometimes Kylo could be as bad a liar as Poe.   
  
As they roasted the zakkeg and ate it, Poe said, "You had every opportunity not to kill me.”  
  
“Someone has to fly the ship.”  
  
"You’re not practical,” Poe said. “You never have been. It’s not like you to insist on pragmatism. Besides, wouldn’t killing me win the war?”  
  
Kylo rolled his eyes. “There’s others I’d have to get through. Rey, General Organa...”  
  
“Still."  
  
“I simply can’t. The Sith have a saying, on old Sith tassels. ‘He will strengthen himself through sacrifice. He will immortalize his love.’ But I’ve found I’m not good at that. Not with Han Solo, not with General Organa, not with you.”  
  
“So that’s the problem,” Poe said.   
  
“Because you’re too important.”  
  
Poe swallowed. Somehow, it hurt. Swallowing hurt. “Then come with me.”  
  
“You don’t know everything I’ve done.”  
  
“I know you. I can’t hate you.”  
  
“You can’t hate anyone.”  
  
“Yeah.” Poe sighed. "I still love you. I know that there’s a part of you that still believes in things. In loving the galaxy. In good. I shouldn’t have said what I said yesterday.”  
  
“I hurt you.”  
  
“You said you loved me and believed in me.”  
  
“I still do.”  
  
Poe nodded. “I feel the same about you.”  
  
***  
  
They found the abandoned hangar in the Mandalorian camp, a relic of a time before the Mandalorians became more pacifistic, and Kylo cupped Poe’s face. “I suppose that’s where we part ways.”  
  
“We’ll have to fight each other again. I...I don’t want to kill you.”  
  
Kylo brushed his forehead against Poe’s. "Maybe it doesn’t have to be that way.”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
Kylo kissed the smooth spot of skin that he’d used the Force to heal. “Whatever happens, never doubt what you’re doing.”  
  
They left for their separate ships. Poe hit hyperspace, and it was from there that for the first time, he felt like he was getting better, just because there was a shred of good in Kylo.   
  
Just a shred.


End file.
